The holidays can be a challenging time to be single, especially if frankly you would rather be partnered. There are family gatherings, work events, parties, and all kinds of festivities where you might wish you had a “plus one.” Maybe it feels like everyone else has their life together and you’re feeling a little tender about being alone.
If being single during the holidays brings up feelings of sadness or loneliness for you, I want to normalize that. The holidays are thought of as a time to celebrate being with family and if having your own family, getting married or Calling in “The One” is something that you desire, then it’s understandable why you might feel this way.
There is a danger; however, if we let temporary feelings play a role in predicting our future. So I want to give you 2 tips that will help you shift your mindset, and your physical experience, of being single during the holidays.
TIP NUMBER ONE: My first tip will help you shift your MINDSET and the tip is to FEEL THE BURN.
Whatever it is that has been simmering under the surface — the stuff that has been bothering you or weighing you down emotionally — I want you to feel it and feel it FULLY.
Unplug your phone, turn off your screens, sit with a cup of tea and notice how you feel. Are you hopeful? Are you angry? Tired? Heartbroken?
Whatever you are feeling, don’t shame it, name it! And then in a gentle way, begin observing it. Don’t try to change it, just observe it and allow it to be there.
Next I want you to locate where in your body this feeling lives? The practice would go something like this: (saying out loud to yourself ) “I’m livid [the feeling]. And it feels like a burning sensation in my throat [the location].”
Next, take three deep inhales and exhales and sit with the emotions as well as any physical sensations present in the body. Watch how your inner experience begins to change, maybe even soften.
If you follow my first tip, which is to FEEL THE BURN, those hard, hot, or uncomfortably sticky emotions will begin to loosen their grip. Your sense of possibility will return and your co-creative ability will strengthen.
TIP NUMBER TWO: My Second Tip will help you shift your MOOD and the tip is to TRUST YOUR GUT.
If something is bothering you there is probably a good reason why. In order to be clear about this reason you need to be able to trust your gut intuition. And a well-nourished gut is a gut whose hunches you can trust!
So how do you nourish your gut during the holidays? Pay attention to how the food you are eating is affecting your disposition.
The key to doing this well is instead of being a “bad food cop” become a “good food detective.”
Obviously the holidays are a time when we enjoy treats, but I would encourage you to follow the 80/20 rule (which means eat nourishing, healthy foods 80% of the time, and indulge in treats 20% of the time.) That way you strike a balance with your self-care and your enjoyment of the season!
THE ORIGIN OF YOUR MOODS ARE NOT IN YOUR HEAD, THEY ARE IN YOUR INTESTINES.
Your gut, or microbiome, is actually a second brain that balances and stabilizes how you feel physically and emotionally. When you eat things that don’t agree with your individual biome, your gut will give you almost instantaneous feedback in the form of bloating, a queasy feeling, bad mood, or some other physical sensation that is basically saying “NO!”
But when you nourish your gut, it sends a different message to your first brain — the one in your skull— that gets interpreted into good chemical signals that give you a boost: chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. These natural chemicals increase your happiness, elevate your mood, and sharpen your intuition and relational skills.
Getting connected to your feelings while nourishing your gut will help you lift the “holiday blues.” Your body will become your first beloved, an ally and powerful partner that helps you not only Call in “The One,” but show up for life fully!
So there you have it, two tips that will help you navigate being single during the holidays. I hope this information will help you enjoy this time in whatever way you may celebrate.
Here’s to a healthy, happy you in 2020!
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