There is an unwritten code among many women that in order to be welcomed into the tribe we must dim ourselves down.
And since we yearn to feel accepted by our cherished women friends, we often do just that. But how does rejecting our own radiance help others to thrive?
I recently had a coaching client named Shannon* who was in turmoil about her inability to fulfill on her desire for a career in music. Shannon is an incredibly talented vocalist, but she held a deep, unconscious belief that it was not okay to outshine her mother who had also wanted to be a singer, but who was never able to actualize her dream.
Shannon feared that her own success would be hurtful for her mom, and so she showed up in her own life in ways that covertly jeopardized her own potentials. (For example she smoked heavily and subsequently experienced health problems with her throat and lungs.)
Using the tools and techniques of the Healthy Body Healthy Love work, we uncovered the beliefs fueling Shannon’s behavior. She came to a deeper knowing that, although her mother was sad about her own missed opportunities, she actually was very supportive of Shannon’s talent and musical ambition.This deeper truth freed Shannon to begin to get her health in order. She has since moved to Nashville and begun performing regularly at local music venues. She is now calling into her life exciting collaborations with other musicians and is thrilled to be pursuing her dreams.
When we find ourselves diminishing our talents, desires, or accomplishments, we should take a pause and ask ourselves why. What are we being motivated by? Are we afraid that we will be kicked out of the tribe?
Let Your Light Shine!
Radiance is the ability to experience – and allow others to witness – your true beauty, authentic power, and full creative potential.
Co-creating a life where you are giving your full gifts and talents to the world requires your willingness to shine. So if you catch yourself dimming down, take a pause and ask the following four questions:
• What is triggering me to dim down my light?
• Who am I “being” when I shut down my authentic expression?
• Where am I centered right now? Is it in a place of fear, or possibility?
This act of being in inquiry, just asking yourself some simple questions, will give you the space you need to catch yourself in the act of self-sabotage. And once you become conscious of how you are responding to your triggers, you can choose to transition from a place of fear to a place of power.
* Shannon is a pseudonym.